It's been a year since Lauren Goodger tragically lost her second daughter, Lorena, on 8 July and as she reflects on the last year, the former TOWIE star reveals it still hasn't fully hit home.
“I can’t believe it’s been a year. It feels like it happened a few months ago, it’s only just sinking in now. It didn’t sink in for ages and I don’t think it fully has hit me at all,” she says.
“A lot went on around that time which blocked me from actually concentrating on the most important thing that happened. So going through certain things I went through at the time didn’t allow my brain to section things off what was going on.
“It was just a lot of trauma in one go. I was on autopilot. I moved house and I just didn’t ever sit still."
Lauren, who is also mum to daughter Larose, who turns two this month, opens up on the hardest parts of the anniversary including the milestones Lorena would have reached by her first birthday.
“It’s the little things, like she would be nearly walking, first words… and she’s not here," the 36 year old says.
"And to be honest, it’s hard for me, but it’s really hard because of Larose. It would be so nice if she had that little sister to play with.”
Lauren remembers her daughter in lots of ways. And the tattoo on her arm which includes Lorena's ashes means her daughter is apart of her.
“Lorena is up high [her ashes are on a shelf] – her hair, handprint, footprint, pictures, her little butterfly and there’s a picture of Larose and Lorena together that she can see, and she sometimes just stands there and says, ‘Baby, baby.’
“I say, ‘That’s your sister. Say, Lorena’. Obviously, she’s not at the age where she understands, but she will be soon. The more I say it, the more she will understand. That’s going to be a big thing for me, I’ve got to explain that Lorena’s not here."
To carry on Lorena’s legacy, the reality star is anxious to help other people who have suffered the agony of losing a baby.
“I want to do something like a charity, something like talks, because there are women out there who can’t get through it. I feel like if I can help someone, that’s what I want out of it,” she says.
“I want to turn this pain of losing Lorena into something, I want to make her special. I want her name to carry on.”
Petals offers information and support after baby loss. Visit petalscharity.org for details
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