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Sarah Harding has revealed that she feared seeing her Girls Aloud bandmates again after her appearance changed throughout her cancer battle.
The 39 year old announced in August last year that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer, which "advanced to other parts of my body".
She has been undergoing intensive chemotherapy to try and relieve some of her symptoms, but the treatment has meant her eyelashes have fallen out.
In an excerpt of Sarah's new book Hear Me Out, which was published by Glamour, she explained that the affect the chemo had on her body and her appearance made her hesitate to see her former bandmates Cheryl, 37, Nadine Coyle, 35, Nicola Roberts, also 35, and 39 year old Kimberly Walsh.
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Sarah said they had all planned to meet at Soho Farmhouse but she "did have my reservations and fears about the reunion get-together, though."
She wrote: "It was going to be the first time we’d all seen one another in about eight years.
"That in itself was nerve-wracking enough, but the fact that I felt and looked the way I did made it worse."
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Sarah, who was recently told by doctors that Christmas 2020 would "probably be her last", continued: "Going through cancer is bad enough, but the side effects of all the stuff that’s supposed to make you better can sometimes be as difficult to deal with as the disease itself.
"The steroids I’d been taking made me look bloated, and I’d lost my eyelashes due to the chemo.
"As the time for the reunion drew closer, I was picturing them all turning up looking fabulous and glamorous, while I looked… Well, like I did. Not myself. Not my best."
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The star explained that she knew they wouldn't "be judgmental" but it was difficult for her to see them as when they were a band "part of our thing was the glamour".
Despite her worries, she decided to set out on a shopping trip to get new glamorous clothes to wear for the occasion.
After "loosening up a bit" during their reunion, which actually happened in the car park, they all ended up reminiscing over their past by watching episodes of Girls Aloud: Off the Record.
Sarah added: "Watching Off the Record provoked lots of laughing and even more cringing, but I have to say, I looked on fondly.
"‘You only miss this when it’s gone,’ I told the girls."
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