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It’s that time of the year again. Have you made your New Year’s resolutions list? I haven’t made any resolutions for a while now and I have no plans of making them again — ever. Here’s why.
A recent survey of 1,500 Americans showed that the most common resolutions for adults are “doing more exercise (50%), losing weight (48%), saving more money (44%), improving diet (39%), and pursuing a career ambition (21%).”
Do you notice something? It’s all about doing, doing, doing.
The majority of New Year’s resolutions are about doing something or achieving something. So on top of our endless to-do’s and time-starved lives, we add more to-do’s so we can hopefully become version 2.0 of ourselves. But here’s the thing: Resolutions set us up to fail.
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Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for goals and taking care of one’s to-do lists. But with New Year’s resolutions, not so much. We all start the year strong, but the truth is that most of us will not go through with the resolutions we made — at least not for too long. Research shows that 80 percent of resolutions are abandoned by February.
The majority of those who fail at keeping goals experience some form of depression and develop self-doubt. “Failed” goals can make us feel like we lack the discipline necessary to achieve the life we’ve always wanted. After all, how can we possibly become successful if we can’t even keep up with a simple resolution such as doing 50 push-ups a day, right? Negative self-talk is an unfortunate human trait and is oh-so-common.
Replacing Resolution With Intention
What if, instead of doing a bunch of things in order to fix ourselves, we showed up as who we want to be?
What would the new year look like if you showed up as the person you’ve always wanted to be — maybe someone who can easily forgive, or someone who creates art every single day without thinking about recognition, or someone who contributes to their community on a consistent basis, or a more present and supportive partner?
What Does ‘Showing Up’ Mean?
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Showing up means being the person you want to be in the future, today. Envision your future self. What are you like? What keeps you busy? Where are you and who are you with? What kind of vibe do you give off to others?
Let’s say you imagine yourself to be an entrepreneur that inspires all by the relationships you build, the aspirational words you convey and the company culture you create. Be that person now — even if at first it feels like acting. The old adage “Fake it until you make it” is now backed by neuroscience. Repeated thoughts and actions become habits. You essentially become what you believe.
You have everything you need. There’s no reason to wait for the future when you can be that person today and reinforce that little by little every day.
Let’s Call It the ‘Ted Lasso’ Effect
If you haven’t watched Ted Lasso, watch it. The scripted series follows Ted Lasso, an American college football coach who is unexpectedly recruited to coach a British Premier League team, despite having no background or experience in soccer. The show is very unique in its messaging because at the heart of the storytelling is kindness. It isn’t what Ted Lasso accomplishes (though he moves many mountains), but who Ted Lasso is that ultimately moves others to be the best versions of themselves.
In one scene when Ted Lasso is in an argument with a colleague, instead of defending himself or acting righteously like his colleague is, he simply states, “Tell me what I need to learn here.” My mind was blown when I heard this. Who speaks that way, especially in the heat of an argument? Ted Lasso does, and so can we. He is far from perfect, but he shows up every day as the best version of himself and disarms and inspires everyone around him. Be like Ted Lasso.
Why ‘Showing Up’ Works
Truthfully, one of the best things about “showing up” is that you’re taking the pressure off yourself. You can now exhale because there’s no need to prove to anyone — not even to yourself — that you’re capable of achieving things. Achieving, attaining and doing are not the goal. “Showing up” comes from a place of gentle love instead of tough love because, let’s face it, we all could use more self-compassion.
The other beauty of it is that you can’t fail. The intention to be a better version of yourself is something that you can always restart easily if you have a setback. Simply recommit yourself to becoming the best version of yourself, even if that is every single morning or every hour — no guilt or other negative feelings involved. Again, repeated thoughts and actions become habits. In other words, the more your future self becomes you, the more ingrained it becomes in your subconscious. It will simply become your new modus operandi (MO).
So let’s walk into this new year not with a tight fist and a long list, but as who we are meant to be. Let’s set our souls free.
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