Colbert was shocked by a report that 34 lawmakers texted Mark Meadows about subverting the 2020 election. “That is unbelievable — 34 people wanted to talk to Mark Meadows!” he said.
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By Trish Bendix
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
He Gets Around
Stephen Colbert was amazed by a report that 34 Republican lawmakers had exchanged text messages with Mark Meadows, the former Trump chief of staff, about overturning the 2020 election results.
“That is unbelievable — 34 people wanted to talk to Mark Meadows!” Colbert said on Tuesday night.
“These members of Congress communicating with Meadows were — and it’s not my place to editorialize — stupid, evil traitors who were trying to do crimes against democracy, for which they should be punished with decades of jail time.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Turns out the calls were coming from inside the House — and the Senate.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
Jimmy Kimmel said “all the usual suspects” were among the 34, including Ted Cruz, Marjorie Taylor Greene and Jim Jordan. “It’s like a gang of Batman’s dumbest enemies,” he said. Another was Representative Ralph Norman of South Carolina, who was said to have written that “we are at a point of no return in saving our Republic!! Our LAST HOPE is invoking Marshall Law!!”
“But instead of ‘martial’ he spelled it ‘Marshall,’ like the chain of off-price department stores. And if Marshall Law doesn’t work, we’ll mobilize the TJ Maxxinistas.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Thank God this coup wasn’t planned by people who could solve the Wordle. We’d all be in a lot of trouble right now.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines (Respecting Marriage Edition)
“Today, President Biden hosted a ceremony on the South Lawn to sign a bill that mandates federal recognition for same-sex marriages. When he heard, Mike Pence was like, ‘Barkeep, give me a shot of whole milk. Just leave the whole carton.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“Respecting marriage? Wow, he really is undoing all of Trump’s orders.” — SETH MEYERS
“That bill passed with strong bipartisan support in the House and Senate. Wow, even the partisanship was bi. That’s really great.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Yeah, the bill protects all marriages, unless you’re one of those couples who feed each other in public. Then you’re on your own.” — JIMMY FALLON
“That is great news. And I hope you were listening, Alan and Brad. No more excuses. Grandma’s not going to live forever. I booked the Doubletree by the lake for June 9. Get a linen suit.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Bits Worth Watching
Seth Meyers took Lizzo day drinking on Tuesday’s “Late Night.”
What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night
Tegan and Sara will perform a song from their new album “Crybaby” on Wednesday’s “Late Late Show.”
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