Over the last week, rumours have been swirling about Taylor Swift and her alleged new beau, The 1975’s frontman, Matty Healy – following her split from long-term boyfriend, Joe Alwyn.
And it’s left many people questioning if the pop star is ‘moving on’ too quickly.
Social media is awash with people discussing the ‘suspicious’ and ‘trash’ move – outing Taylor for not taking the so-called ‘appropriate’ time to grieve her six-year relationship, before finding herself a new squeeze.
The ‘fling’ between the pair hasn’t been officially confirmed, but Taylor is still being dragged through the mud.
‘When did Taylor and Joe break up? Cause lord, Ms. Queen is moving on quick,’ one tweet read.
‘Taylor Swift really took no time at all moving on huh,’ added someone else.
Though I’m not exactly a ‘Swiftie’ – as her superfans are known – the whole thing has left a really bad taste in my mouth.
Not because Taylor is supposedly dating someone new (good for her, if it’s true) but because the idea that you have to wait a certain amount of time before you are allowed to have sex or date again is ridiculous.
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Many years ago, after an ex ended our relationship, I slept with another man that same night.
I could tell you my reasons but they don’t matter – so I won’t.
Thankfully, my friends weren’t judgemental and I’m not an A-lister so I was spared the public flogging, but I can imagine people frowning at the fact I didn’t spend weeks crying my eyes out instead of getting an orgasm.
In this scenario, even if I had been the one to do the dumping, the premise would have been the same.
I don’t know if my ex slept with someone else, but if he did, that’s his choice. I wasn’t his girlfriend anymore.
Like Taylor has been subject to, if women move on ‘too quickly’, we’re shamed for being cold and heartless
Women are expected to grieve the end of a relationship in a different way compared to men.
There are plenty of cultural references in films and TV shows – which is often a great indicator for how society feels about love and sex – that encourage men to drown their sorrows or get ‘wingmanned’.
Meanwhile, women going through break-ups are painted as sad and pathetic messes, eating ice cream on the sofa or swigging vodka while listening to Chaka Khan (I love Bridget Jones, but she deserved better).
Like Taylor has been subject to, if women move on ‘too quickly’, we’re shamed for being cold and heartless, or perhaps even accused of cheating because there’s no other explanation for our ‘shocking’ behaviour.
As if we couldn’t possibly desire, or be desired, while apparently ‘grieving’ a lost love, or lover.
There’s also a deep-seated issue here linked to dated beliefs that women are emotional and fragile beings, while men are hardcore. Add a side of slut-shaming (‘you had sex THAT soon after your relationship ended?’) and it’s a misogynistic combination.
On the flipside, men are often encouraged to bury their emotions. Neither approach is healthy and break-ups don’t have gender labels.
Moving on doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be respectful to your former partner. You shouldn’t rub your happiness in your ex’s face, by any means – especially if it was a difficult split and they’re still hurting.
Barring these exceptions, however, how you deal with the aftermath of a break-up is entirely up to you.
Stop imposing imaginary timelines on us
I’ve been dumped and I have dumped people.
Both situations were painful and I’ve coped with my emotions in a myriad of ways – from having casual sex, to lifting weights, and from downing whiskey with my mates in the pub, to sobbing uncontrollably in bed.
Sometimes it took me weeks to get over a relationship, other times it has taken years. There is no ‘right’ way to do this.
And whether I chose to sleep with someone the first night or months later, both decisions are valid.
I understand why people are shocked by Taylor’s alleged actions – because of the way society has taught us to think about break-ups and sex – but they shouldn’t be.
And I recognise why there has been so much conversation about these rumours.
She is an international pop star who’s made millions from writing songs, which are sometimes about her love life, and this makes people feel they have the right to weigh in on her life choices.
Except, they don’t.
Taylor doesn’t owe you anything, nor does any other woman.
Stop imposing imaginary timelines on us. What we do after a break-up is our business – keep your nose out of it.
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