Barbara Edna Sbalchiero 1939-2019
Barbara Sbalchiero (nee Wishart) was “mum” to her two children, “nanny” to her three beloved grandchildren, “ma” the many friends who spent countless hours drinking coffee and sharing food in her kitchen and “Barbie” to the staff at Arcare who took such good care of her in the last part of her life. She was born at the beginning of a time of much world turmoil and strife and Barbara’s life was not going to be easy.
Barbara was born on June 22, 1939, to Lydia Maria Wishart, a married woman who was 38 with one son. For reasons Barbara and her family never knew, Lydia was unable to keep her baby and she was put into the care of the Sisters of Mercy in South Melbourne. Barbara was not adopted but was left in the foundling home until she was two years old when she was moved into a Catholic convent run by the sisters. Lydia never came to visit and never took her child back into her care.
Barbara’s life in the convent was hard. The girls called the sisters “the sisters with no mercy. Growing up, Barbara would tell terrible stories about her life in the convent, beatings, mistreatment, deprivation and simple neglect. Interestingly, she never really talked about the friendship or any feelings of comradeship around the girls. It can only be assumed growing up in a place like that meant survival of the fittest and they could only look after themselves.
From an early age, Barbara had problems with her hearing, and life in the convent did not help. In academic classes she was always left in the back and considered “dumb” by the nuns. Luckily, Barbara really didn’t mind. It provided her with the opportunity to practise her drawing skills. She was a beautiful drawer and had natural talents in that area. At one point, she was accepted into RMIT based purely on her drawing skills, but this opportunity was not for Barbara. Drawing was also her one proud achievement in the convent, and she would tell stories about her pictures being shown to the other classes and put on display for the priests and bishops to admire when they visited.
Barbara Sbalchiero with her children Lydia Woodgate and Giuseppe Sbalchiero.
At 14, Barbara left the convent and went out into service. She was terrified about leaving as this was the only home she had ever known. Her first placement was with a doctor and his wife, but she didn’t like it and ran away back to the convent saying the doctor was cruel and always angry.
The nuns didn’t make Barbara return but found her another position with the horse trainers Godbys working out of Caulfield. This was the first time she had felt part of a family. Morag Godby taught Barbara about cooking and showed her what a real family looked like. Barbara’s duties included light cleaning, some cooking but mainly caring for the two young boys. She relished this role, honing her greatest skill, a caring and loving mother.
When Barbara turned 20, she wanted to spread her wings. She moved into a flat in Greville Street, Prahran, with her great friend Margaret Pearson, got her first job in the rag trade nearby and lived a carefree life for probably the first time. Margaret and Barbara went dancing three times a week and it was at one of these dances she met the love of her life Eligio, a tall, handsome, Italian man who took her home one night from a dance and the rest, as they say, is history.
Her life with Eligio was not easy. Eligio was fun and charming but loved drinking until it destroyed him physically. While Barbara was able to provide her two children with a sense of always being loved and cared for, Eligio’s drinking meant he struggled over the years to have steady work and money was always tight. The family had Barbara to thank for providing them with stability. Barbara always worked, ran the home and cared for her family in difficult circumstances. But she was able to shield both her children from most of the difficulties. Of course, this sort of life and Barbara’s early life had to take its toll. Barbara had several “nervous breakdowns”, as they were known, and spent time in different psychiatric hospitals in Melbourne. These were difficult times for the whole family, but particularly Barbara.
But Barbara had much love and happiness in her life. In the last few years of Eligio’s life he had his drinking under control, and they lived happily for a few years in Glen Huntly, much of the time caring for their beloved first grandson.
The years of drinking took their toll on Eligio who died in 1993 – Barbara was a widow at 54. While the loss of Eligio was difficult for her, in many ways life for Barbara became easier. She moved in with her daughter and her family and became an essential part of their lives. She helped raise her two grandchildren and supported her daughter in many ways. Her son married and she gained a third granddaughter to love and care for.
One of Barbara’s most cherished memories was her only overseas holiday to China with her daughter and granddaughter. They travelled to Beijing, saw the pandas, the Imperial Gardens and Palace stayed at the Aman resort and made it onto the Great Wall of China.
Barbara’s last years were spent at Arcare, where she was loved and well care for. She experienced joy from drinking her Pepsi Max, eating ice-cream with chocolate topping and being visited by her family.
Despite the many trials in Barbara’s life she was always a happy, positive and loving person. She developed dementia and lost many words but not her two favourites, lovely and beautiful. Barbara’s may not have achieved greatness in her life but, given her beginnings, it was an extraordinary life. Her greatest legacy was passing on to her family the gift of loving, teaching her beloved family how to be kind even during enormous difficulties. This legacy has been passed to her children, grandchildren and perhaps one day to her great grandchildren. Those of us touched by her kind and loving heart are the lucky ones.
She will be forever loved and missed.
Lydia Woodgate is Barbara Sbalchiero’s daughter.
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