DEAR DEIDRE: I REALLY want to marry my wonderful girlfriend but I have got another woman pregnant. I’m in a right mess.
I’ve been with my girlfriend for a year and our relationship is great.
She is 27 and everything you could want in a woman: Pretty, kind and caring.
My parents love her almost as much as I do.
My dad said I should marry her the first time he met her. And I think I definitely will one day, when I’m ready.
The problem is I’m not ready yet. I’m only 26 and too young to settle down.
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There is loads I still want to do – travelling, meeting people, dating other women, sleeping with other women. It would have been better if we’d met in five years’ time.
So I’ve had a few one-night stands, and when a 23-year-old woman contacted me via social media and we started chatting, I agreed to meet her.
She was so hot, I couldn’t resist her. And when we had sex – a few times – she didn’t disappoint. She had so much energy and was really vocal, which I love.
I felt bad lying to my girlfriend, so ended it with this woman and decided to try to be faithful.
Then the woman I cheated with contacted me again and told me she was pregnant. It must have happened the one time we didn’t use protection.
She wants to keep the baby but doesn’t want me to be part of its life, although she expects me to give her money.
I don’t know what to do. If I tell my girlfriend she will be devastated and I’m sure she’ll finish with me.
But if I don’t, how will I explain where my money goes every month? And what if my child wants to meet me?
Now I can’t sleep for worrying and my girlfriend knows something is up. What should I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: You risk losing your girlfriend, and I’m afraid you’ve got nobody to blame but yourself.
Your girlfriend has a right to know what is happening, especially if there is going to be a baby.
Whether or not she stays with you will be her decision.
You say you love her and hope to marry her one day, so why do you keep cheating? My support pack, Can’t Be Faithful? might help.
Your girlfriend deserves to be with someone she can trust. You are also putting her at risk of sexually transmitted infections by having unprotected sex with other women.
If your girlfriend does want to make the relationship work, some counselling together could help. See my support pack about this.
For more information on your rights and duties as a father, contact your local Citizen’s Advice Bureau (citizensadvice.org.uk).
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