DEAR DEIDRE: I AM having sex with my cousin’s boyfriend. It’s wonderful every time and we love one another, but my family would be furious if they knew.
We got close after my cousin’s older sister’s wedding. My younger cousin is 22, her boyfriend is 23 and I am 19. The service was long and the reception boring, with lots of my uncle’s business friends there and not many people our age.
The three of us went out into the garden with a drink to chat. My cousin got called away to talk to some relatives so I was left with her boyfriend.
I already thought he was much too attractive for my dull cousin and he was fun to talk to. We agreed that it was all very tedious and stood looking at the fish in the pond. I felt his hand touch mine and then his hand on my waist.
I didn’t move away because I wanted more. Sure enough he whispered something about the bushes and we went there for a snog. My cousin was staying at the hotel with her family but neither her boyfriend or I had been invited to stay. He offered me a lift and on the way home we parked and had sex.
It was great and we’ve been meeting ever since. Of course I ask him about his relationship with my cousin. He says he is not happy with her but I don’t get any real answers.
He changes the subject, saying it is not my problem. But I worry my family will hate me if I pinch my cousin’s boyfriend. They will think I set out to get him.
I think some of my family have guessed there is a relationship, but I could not bear to give him up.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You are worth more than being his bit on the side, especially if you know it will get you in your family’s bad books.
It worries me for your sake that he has been evading your questions. Be firm that it is your problem and you need to know if and when he plans to break with your cousin.
Tell him this is so important to you that you are taking a step back for now and not seeing him again unless and until he is a free man. If he decides to sort things out with your cousin and stay with her, so be it.
He would never have committed to you anyway and you’re best knowing that as soon as possible. But it may give him the motivation to break with your cousin and start seeing you. Your family may be startled at first and your cousin may hate you for a while, but she has no right to control who he goes on to have a relationship with if they are no longer together.
Meanwhile, be very careful to use contraception. An unplanned preg-nancy is the last thing you need.
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