Before I fell pregnant with my second child, I would have spat my tea out reading the news that Cara Delevingne is trying to ‘manifest’ a baby.
The model and actress revealed in a recent interview that as part of this, she loves to shop for her future children.
I can almost hear a previous version of myself muttering ‘what is the world coming to’. But now – after something weirdly magical happened to me – I completely understand where Cara is coming from.
Eight weeks or so before I fell pregnant, I’d gone to Vegas for my 30th with my boyfriend, parents and oldest friends.
I’d been with my boyfriend for less than a year and I already had a three-year-old toddler; there were no plans for a new baby. At all. We were mostly having lots of fun getting to know each other, and had plenty of time to socialise on the London scene where we both worked.
He was a marketing executive in the film industry, and I was editor of a film magazine. We went to premieres and film launches at glamorous venues and drank free booze. Life was pretty perfect.
On the day of my 30th birthday, we walked into a gift shop, overflowing with merchandise and memorabilia. There was no indication anything was afoot or that I was about to have my life changed forever. Everyone was mooching around, and I ended up in the corner of the shop where I saw a pair of Scooby Doo baby dungarees.
They had a smiling Scooby on the front of the chest and, on the back, they had a brown, fluffy tail. I looked over at my boyfriend and he was chatting with some of the lads, but it was like something sucker-punched me in the chest. A feeling that it couldn’t just be me and him from now on, that there was something more – destined to happen.
Now, if you’d have asked any of my friends at that time, I was not into spirituality or destiny. I wasn’t the girl who would quote: ‘Everything happens for a reason.’ I was a pragmatist. I didn’t even think I wanted another child.
The fact was, this feeling came out of the ether. It was like the idea of the baby had come to me, rather than from me.
Without another thought, I picked up the dungarees and took them to the counter. All my mates came over and said: ‘Erm, hello, something you need to tell us?’ and I just smiled and said they were for my next baby. Their faces were an absolute picture.
I explained I wasn’t pregnant, but I knew they were for a baby I hadn’t made yet. They all blamed the dirty martinis from the previous evening.
Looking at it objectively, I could see why they’d be confused. At the time though, purchasing them made complete sense to me. I couldn’t just put them down and walk away.
What was actually more surprising was my boyfriend’s reaction. When everyone had moved away to chat, he lifted the dungarees out of the bag and looked at me with a smile on his face. He said: ‘You didn’t tell me you wanted a baby.’
‘I didn’t,’ I replied.
‘Oh well,’ he laughed. ‘At least we know now so we can get planning.’
And that was that. He readily accepted it and even seemed to be quite excited by the prospect. Eight weeks later, I was pregnant. We’d just bought a new house together, which we were due to move into in a few weeks.
I’d done the test (followed swiftly by another four to make sure) and picked him up from the train station that night. I’d stuck the test inside a Father’s Day card and drove him to the new house to reveal our luck, parking just up the road a little so the owners who were still living there didn’t think we were weirdos.
It was all so surreal, and quite frankly, a bit magical.
I can see why people think Cara’s admission is bizarre. But honestly, I’ve had a few things in my life happen that have felt other worldly. We don’t decide or have control over everything. There are things that just happen.
I’ll be forever thankful for that gift shop visit. I mean, I’m sure the baby manifestation would have happened elsewhere, but picking up those dungarees with absolute certainty that my baby was going to wear them is still one of the most magical moments of my life.
She didn’t actually get to wear them for a few years as she was quite little for a while, but when she finally wore them, it took me back to that moment where the whole ‘big magic’ landed on me.
One of the weirdest things about it all, though, was a couple of years after having Lily Bea in 2004, my periods became irregular. I kept worrying that I was pregnant again, so in the end I went to the doctors for blood tests.
As it transpired, I’d had premature ovarian failure and was told I wouldn’t be able to have any more kids. I was in my early thirties and the menopause had already been and gone! No warning, no loud-moody sirens, or raging hot flushes.
My ovaries had packed in and that was that. Suddenly, everything made so much sense.
I realised just how amazing it was that I’d had the baby revelation.
Had I put it off for another couple of years, it just wouldn’t have happened. It was like it was always a fact that Lily Bea needed to get to me before it was too late, and she did.
So I can absolutely see why CaraDelevingne is having a manifesting moment, because maybe – like me – it’s something that’s landed on her, without her even knowing it’s what she wanted.
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