Kaitlyn Bristowe’s season of The Bachelorette may have had a happy ending, but it turns out that behind the scenes, the former dance instructor wasn’t happy at all. During a recent appearance on the Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley and Tanya Rad podcast, Kaitlyn Bristowe said she was "miserable" after splitting from Shawn Booth, and that the breakup made her realize that she had been unhappy for a long time. Shawn proposed to Kaitlyn on the finale of her Bachelorette season back in 2015, but three years later, the pair announced that they had decided to call it quits.
It was in the aftermath of the breakup, Kaitlyn explained on the July 2 episode of the podcast, that she realized that she wasn’t in a good place. "I pushed away a lot of friendships. I didn’t realize how miserable I was or how out of touch I was with myself and my confidence," she explained. Clarifying that she didn’t want to "blame Shawn," Kaitlyn revealed that she was embarrassed about her time on The Bachelorette.
"I felt a lot of shame from the show. I felt a lot of insecurities. I didn’t feel safe in the relationship. I was constantly working on myself, constantly going to therapy to not feel those things," she explained, adding that her "shame" took a toll on her relationship with Shawn over time. "It’s three and a half years of feeling shame and like I don’t deserve love from him. And I knew that wasn’t right, [but] that’s constantly what I was feeling for three and a half years," Kaitlyn said.
"I’m the kind of person, I don’t think with logic," Kaitlyn continued. "If he’s going to be a certain way — I’m going to meet him in his unhealthy way of thinking. He was the same thing with me and that obviously doesn’t work." However, once she and Shawn finally broke up, Kaitlyn realized just how much the relationship wasn’t working for her. "I think once you rid yourself of that kind of energy, it was crazy how many things fell into place once that energy was gone," the former Bachelorette explained.
Kaitlyn first alluded to some of those issues between her and Shawn back in March 2019, during an appearance on the Raw Beauty Talks podcast. "We were kind of struggling for the last little while … I just wasn’t feeling loved for over the last year," she said on the Raw Beauty Talks podcast in March. "It really just started weighing on me. I just felt very alone in the relationship and I felt like I had a best friend but I didn’t feel like I had a partner. We just started growing apart."
However, it sounds like her current relationship, with former Bachelorette contestant Jason Tartick, is the complete opposite of her engagement to Shaw. "Previous relationships to this one, it’s so wild how different I am because I feel safe," Kaitlyn told Jana Kramer and Michael Caussin on the Whine Down podcast recently.
She continued, "I’ve never felt safe in a relationship until this relationship so, I deal with conflict different and insecurities differently because I don’t question him leaving me or, like, get all insecure. I feel safe and loved so I feel all of my insecurities differently now." It turns out that despite her Bachelorette proposal, Kaitlyn is just now getting the happily ever after she wanted.
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