DEAR DEIDRE: IT meant nothing to me having fun sex with my best friend’s sister.
But she thought it meant more than it did. My mate found out and he is now very angry with me.
I was out with my pals three weeks ago and I bumped into my best mate’s sister. She is 17 and pretty. I am 19 and have known her for years, as a friend.
We both had a lot to drink and ended up having sex. It felt great at the time but it was just a one-off for me.
She kept texting me asking when she was going to see me again. I ignored her and she got upset.
She finally told my best friend what had happened and that she felt used and dirty.
He came round and was furious. He knows I go out looking for sex and have had sex with lots of people.
He told me I am addicted to sex and that I need help. He said I will end up a sad, lonely old man with nobody who loves me.
I just laughed. I told him I like that feeling of sex and being happy for a while afterwards, but what he said has had an impact.
He made me think about my behaviour and I suppose that I am addicted to sex.
I lost my virginity at 16 with a girl of 19. It was casual at first but it developed into something serious.
She was amazing. We liked being with each other, not just for sex but also spending time together. We wanted to be together for ever.
She had a lot of worries though. She had been in care after being abused and had got into drinking and drugs.
She died from an overdose and I have never got over it.
Topic4today
JUST about all of us have sexual fantasies – but men tend to want to act out theirs, while women more often use their imagination to rev up their responses.
That difference can cause conflict in relationships.
My Sex Fantasies e-leaflet can help. Email me at [email protected] for your copy or private-message me via Facebook on my Dear Deidre page.
Since then, whenever I go out, I usually end up sleeping with someone — anyone who takes my fancy. I go out hoping for sex. I use condoms for protection.
I don’t know what I am trying to achieve with all this sleeping around but good friends are drifting away because of it.
DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds as though your friend is right. You go out looking for casual sex to get a few minutes of feeling good afterwards.
Using protection doesn’t prevent the emotional damage you leave behind you – or the numbing effect on your own emotions.
You were deeply hurt by the death of the girl you loved. You didn’t just lose her but the way she died may have felt like a rejection in itself, that she didn’t love you enough to give up her self-destructive behaviour.
Take a vow to stop having sex for now while you get help to deal with your grief and feelings of abandonment.
I’m afraid your girlfriend was just too deeply damaged by her past no matter how much she loved you.
My e-leaflet on Coping With Bereavement will help you understand your feelings and find support.
Tell your best friend that his words were a wake-up call and you realise your addictive pattern must stop before you hurt any more people. Apologise to his sister, too.
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