A MUM had to keep her son's dad on ice in the mortuary for five months while she tried to cobble together the fees for his funeral.
Rita Dove from Clacton in Essex split from her former partner years ago but they stayed friends for the sake of their son.
But when the 56-year-old died from lung disease in June 2018, he left no money for a funeral, and being estranged from his family meant Rita was the only one left to pay for it.
Bodies can be kept in a morgue for as long as two years although funerals are typically held two to three weeks after someone has died.
"I knew he was on ice in the mortuary and I thought this is dreadful that he’s been there so long – to think of a loved one on ice all that time, it’s terrible," Rita told The Sun.
"But I just didn't know what to do. I couldn't even afford shoes for him to be buried in – I just bought him some new socks in the end.
"It's pushed me to breaking point. I’m a pretty strong person but I was at my wits end."
Councils will arrange a "public health" funeral when someone dies without any friends of family – or there isn't enough money to pay for a funeral.
But Rita wanted to give her son's dad the send off that he had requested.
She struggles to pay for her day-to-day living costs as she is now retired and survives solely on the state pension and pension credit.
She also cares for her 34-year-old son who doesn't work due to poor mental and physical health reasons.
'It's been so stressful and made my son really ill'
"It's had a really bad impact on my son," said Rita. "It's been so stressful for both of us and it's made my son really ill.
"I really feel for people going through the same situation."
The average cost of a funeral has risen to an all-time high of £3,785, according to financial provider Royal London, up by £28 compared to last year.
How to cut funeral costs
FIRST of all, discuss with family what type of funeral is preferred.
Consider whether there are elements, such as catering or flower arrangements that you can do yourself.
Next up do your research; ask friends and relatives to recommend a firm. Doctors and solicitors may also be able to advise.
Failing that, search online for reputable companies, and take note of reviews and compare costs of like-for-like services.
Shopping around is the buzz phrase of the moment and it’s the best way to lower funeral costs – even if it does feel wrong. You can use comparison site Beyond.life to compare costs – although be aware that not all providers are on the Beyond.life service – for example Co-op Funeral Care is missing – so you will need to contact these providers directly for quotes.
Ensure you get a full breakdown of costs and timings for services up-front.
You should also check the firm is a member of a recognised trade association, such as the National Association of Funeral Directors or the National Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors.
Check if you qualify for a funeral expenses payment from the government.
And check if you can get a government budgeting loan before turning to high cost lenders.
Also, consider speaking to Down to Earth if you need help applying for grants or organising a funeral.
And the number of people being pushed into debt after paying for funerals has risen by 14 per cent, with grieving families borrowing £1,990 on average.
Funeral fees also continue to be a postcode lottery, with some charging as much as £13,163.
The ten most expensive locations for a funeral are all within or just outside the M25, says Royal London.
"I knew he wanted a Catholic burial in the church where his mum and dad were buried but I couldn't afford the fees there or anywhere else," Rita told The Sun.
"The easiest thing would have been to have him cremated or give him a pauper’s grave but he’s got a son who was very upset and didn’t want his daddy to be buried without a send-off."
'I couldn't afford the burial he wanted'
Thankfully, someone told Rita about Down to Earth which helped her to shop around to find the cheapest service.
The charity also helped her to apply for various grants and government loans – something Rita says she doesn't know what she would have done without.
In total, Rita's funeral bill came to around £5,500 including cemetery fees, the funeral director's fees, the cost to play a CD at the service, and they had to buy clothes as her son's dad had nothing suitable to wear.
What is a pauper's funeral?
WHEN someone dies without any friends or family to take care of the arrangements, or they can't afford to, the council will pay for a basic funeral.
This is sometimes called a pauper's funeral or a public health funeral.
The council will choose the funeral director to organise a "no frills" service for either a burial or cremation and a memorial service.
Because these are on a budget, typically there aren't any flowers, cars or death notices.
For a burial, the person who has died will be buried in a grave without a marker, often in a communal one.
If no one is around to collect the ashed after a cremation, the cremetorium will often scatter them in their garden.
Rita ended up getting grants totalling £2,700 from the Catholic church her former partner's parents regularly attended, and from charities Friends of the Earth and Turn2Us.
She also got a grant from the government's funeral expenses fund for £2,105.
Luckily these grants do not have to be repaid – but as both Rita and her son also took out budgeting loans from the government totally £695 they now have their monthly benefits docked.
Rita says the loans are now paid off but they did have to borrow to try and get by before the cash came through – she borrowed about £500 from a family friend, which she's since repaid.
While Rita says the problem with the funeral expenses payment is that loved ones have to cough up the fees upfront before later reclaiming some or all of the cash.
"The government wants you to bury your loved one and then claim the cash, but I think that’s so wrong. How can it expect people to be able to do this in the first place?," she added.
Rita says it was the most basic ceremony you can get with only six people attending and just the one flower for the coffin – and there was no wake afterwards.
'Bereaved families are struggling more than ever'
But nearly a year on and the pair still can't afford to pay for a headstone for the grave as this isn't covered by the funeral expenses payment, and Down to Earth says charitable grants only tend to stretch to this for children's funerals.
Rita says her son found a headstone online for £700, which was almost half the cost elsewhere but it was still too much.
"Almost a year has gone by and he still has no headstone, as there’s no way I can get the money for that.
"I've just had to say, son, I can’t do it. But at least we've met part of his wishes now by burying him."
And it's made Rita think twice about her own funeral – she's now putting aside £10 a week from her pension into a savings account to ensure there's enough cash and written down all her wishes.
Claire Brandon, manager of Down to Earth (Quaker Social Action) said: "With a backdrop of funeral costs continuing to rise and the funeral expenses payment remaining pitifully low, bereaved families are struggling more than ever."
An investigation by The Sun earlier this year revealed that funeral providers are charging £2,400 more for the same service just 2.2 miles apart.
Meanwhile, grieving families are charged up to £680 more for cremating loved-ones based on where they live.
But the high-pressure selling of expensive funeral plans is to be stamped out with fines.
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