OUR teenage daughter recently opened up about being gay but my wife has taken the news badly and it’s driving a wedge through our family.
We’ve been married for 21 years and our daughter is 18.
For years I have had an inkling she might be gay because she was always a tomboy growing up.
So when our daughter came out and declared her sexuality to us over dinner one night, it was no real surprise to me.
My wife, on the other hand, made a right scene.
She called our daughter some horribly derogatory names in a rage and reduced the poor girl to tears.
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I thought her reaction might improve after she had calmed down, but things have gone from bad to worse.
I am 48 and my wife is 46. She now refuses to talk to our daughter until “she comes to her senses”. I explained that our daughter cannot help how she feels about her sexuality but it doesn’t alter my wife’s viewpoint.
My wife admits she is intolerant but says she can’t change.
She constantly fobs me off when I try to mediate and it has caused many rows over the past few weeks.
She refuses to acknowledge that our daughter feels very rejected and dismisses her threats to move out of the house if she will not accept her for who she is.
Our daughter isn’t ready to move out, financially or emotionally, but she seems adamant.
I fear she would be vulnerable if she took that step into adulthood at present, especially when on bad terms with her mum.
I’ve pleaded with my wife to drop this and find the compassion to speak with our daughter before she does something silly but she’s not having any of it.
Our family is falling apart and my wife won’t do anything about it.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife may find it helpful to talk to a national voluntary organisation called FFLAG – a charity dedicated to supporting families and their LGBT+ loved ones.
It has a booklet called My Child’s Gay that you can download by visiting its website (fflag.org.uk).
Please remind your wife your daughter is still the same person whether she is gay or straight.
In the meantime my information pack Gay Support can help you continue to be there for your daughter.
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