A woman has sparked outrage after asking whether she could have her baby shower present returned, because the friend she had given it to, had miscarried.
Posting her dilemma on Reddit under the “Am I an a******” forum, the woman acknowledged how the situation “sounds awful” and “feels like it might be a terrible thing to do” but she needed advice.
She and her husband have a long term family friend called Jen, and she explained how she and Jen “aren’t friends at all” but are friendly with one another.
When Jen had her first baby, the woman’s husband “purchased a fairly expensive item off of her baby shower registry as a gift”, noting $200-$300 was spent.
Jen, and her husband who are both “high earners” making over six figures each, announced their second pregnancy and sent friends a baby shower registry which was “full of high priced items”.
The woman added: “Personally, I thought this was strange because she should still have most of the items from her first kid and I didn’t think people usually did full blown baby showers/registries after their first.”
The woman was also “surprised” Jen was asking for gifts considering she was “still in the first trimester” of pregnancy.
The woman’s husband “spent around $400 on a gift for her” which she said was “fine”. But “a few weeks later Jen had a traumatic miscarriage”.
It’s been a month months since her loss, and the woman and her husband are “unsure of how to navigate the gift”, suggesting the present is not suitable for older children, so Jen can’t use it for her other child.
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The woman explained her dilemma: “Asking her to return the gift seems cruel, like adding a chore onto her grief, and it’s probably past the return window anyway.
“I’m also not sure if she’s going to keep trying to have more kids and it seems incredibly insensitive to ask, plus she may not have decided yet.
“Asking her to pay us back for it also seems very cruel. My husband and I are also decently high earners but $400 is still a lot of money.
“It’s one thing if she’s able to get a few years of use out of the item, that’s money well spent. But if it’s going to sit in a box in her attic for years….that’s where we are getting stuck.”
The woman went on to say if she can’t refund the present, she could “gift it to someone else who can use it”.
The post gained thousands of responses, with one reading: “YTA it was a gift. It shouldn’t come with terms and conditions. You gave it away. It’s gone.”
Another said: “She’s just lost her baby and her fertility. Don’t kick someone when they’re down. When she’s ready, she will probably sell your gift and use the money for something else, hopefully, something that brings her joy. You decided to spend a lot of money on a gift. Maybe give less in the future if you are going to feel resentful later. But do NOT add to this woman’s pain so you can get your money back. That’s monstrous.”
“YTA. You chose to spend much money. You absolutely didn’t have to. There’s no tactful way to ask for it back. It’ll look petty and greedy, so they’ll either try to return everything if they rent to or donate it, but once the gifts given you should let it go,” a third chimed.
One added: “You gave a gift. It would be the height off insensitivity and rudeness to ask for it back – whatever the reason. The fact this poor woman had just had a pregnancy loss makes it even worse. Let her re gift it or do whatever she chooses with it.
“FFS. Have some sensitivity and compassion. And don’t spend $400 on gifts if you can’t afford it.”
If you or anyone you know has experienced a miscarriage and need help, Tommy’s offers pregnancy and baby loss information from experts and midwives.
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