DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband and I are separated, but I kissed a mutual friend and now the guilt is eating me up.
I am 30 and was married to my ex, who is 32, for four years. We have a two-year-old son.
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The relationship didn’t work out — we were always arguing and I felt I couldn’t trust him. So last year, we agreed to split up and decided to try to remain friends for our son’s sake.
Since we separated, I’ve been single. As I have a toddler, I don’t have time to think about a new relationship, and I haven’t even looked at another man.
My ex has had a few short flings with other women. It hurts, but as we’re not together any more, I can’t criticise.
We get on much better now we’re apart. He often comes over to see our son, or we go on family days out together and he ends up spending the evening with me.
Sometimes he even stays over — although he always sleeps on the sofa. We don’t kiss or cuddle.
We’ve talked about our relationship and confirmed we’re definitely just friends, although he still calls me his wife when we’re out or with his mates.
I’m confused about my feelings, and I think he is too. I do still love him.
Last week, I went for lunch with a mutual male friend, who is 31.
He was really flirty and to my surprise he said he’d always liked me but hadn’t made a move because I was with my ex.
We snogged passionately and our hands were all over each other.
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Things could have gone further, but I stopped it. It felt wrong, even though I am single.
Now I can’t stop thinking about what happened.
I can’t eat or sleep. I’ve always been an honest person, but I know hearing about this would kill my ex. He’d feel betrayed and jealous.
I also don’t want him to fall out with our mutual friend either. Should I confess?
DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t feel guilty – you did nothing wrong. You are single and you stopped the kiss before it went any further.
There is no sense in telling your husband if the kiss was the end of it.
Are you and your husband definitely over or do you still want to work at your marriage and give things another chance?
Talk to your ex about the relationship and discuss what you both now want.
If it is to separate formally then you need to start the process. That way you can both start to move forward with your lives.
But if you want to make things work, perhaps you need support. Relationship counselling could help.
Contact Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1960).
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