If you’re looking for a new plant for your home that’ll really make an impression on your guests, we’ve got the perfect thing for you: Chilli dicks.
Firebox is selling a ‘Grow a Dick’ box, and it’s essentially a little plant that grows dick-like chillies.
The ‘Grower Not A Shower’ box will grow a couple of chillies that look like actual willies.
All you need to do is add water, and the ‘penis will produce itself’ from the soil.
The product description reads: ‘The spiciest way to tell ‘em to grow a dick. Contains all you need to grow dick shaped chillies. Super simple – just add water!
‘100% organic, from the soil to the penis produce itself. Literally looks like a bunch of red dicks.’
Firebox adds: ‘Spicy bellend! No, it’s not an STD, it’s the organic produce from our super easy Grow A Dick Kit! This sassy little cube has a big surprise inside: spoiler alert, it’s everything you need to grow a girthy batch of capsicum annuum – AKA phallic chillies!
‘This is no bird-of-paradise-flower-situation, these spicy red numbers are unmistakably penile from head to shaft. Except for the little green bit on the stem, obvs. If you actually have one of those on your knob, please see a doctor, you may be at risk of being diagnosed as a plant.
‘All you have do to bring your willy chillies to life is open the cube and pour a little water on the pre-planted seeds. Pop it in a bright, warm place and keep watering every so often to keep them moist – in 12-18 days, you’ll be seeing a red cock rising out of the soil. Mental. In a few weeks, you could be slicing your very own scarlet bellend into a sexy stir fry! Nice.
‘When you’re ready to repot your plants into something more fitting (coming soon: the Firebox terracotta vagina), the magical eco-friendly cube will slowly decompose and turn into valuable coconut fibre fertiliser for the plant, enriched with all sorts of stuff that makes chillies fully erect big and handsome.
‘Now all you need is a pair of ginger balls to go with them for a culinary genital match made in Heaven.’
So far, the reviews for the chillie willies, which cost £9.99, have been amazing.
One person said: ‘Bought for a friend’s birthday and don’t know if it’ll grow yet. Great idea though.’
Another said: ‘Already growing up! Cant wait to see it when its all grown.’
Someone else wrote: ‘Hilarious and 100% worth it!’
And yes, it’s definitely tempting us to buy and grow our own chillie willies at home.
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