There’s plenty to be said about Boris Johnson, but regardless of which way you lean politically, one thing can’t be denied – he’s made a lot of enemies.
Perhaps the most prominent fall-out experienced by the PM over the last few years has been with Dominic Cummings – and the former aide is gunning for the man he once called his boss.
We might not be able to relate to the specifics of this adversarial relationship – we doubt many of those reading struggle to tell the difference between a work event and a party, or have had their ex-friend make a gossipy newsletter about them – but there’s one thing that we all have to face: the undeniable reality that sometimes, people just won’t like us.
How do we navigate this without completely losing our minds? Can we ever really accept that we’re not going to be universally adored?
Dr Claire Vowell, Counselling Psychologist at Koa Health, tells Metro.co.uk: ‘Humans are hard-wired for social connection, so it’s natural for us to care whether we’re liked or not.
‘Someone not liking you – whether in your work life or personal life – can lead to a flood of difficult emotions.’
For the everyday person not embroiled in a high-profile political power struggle, questions may arise over whether you’ve done something to offend the other person. Then, if you come to the conclusion it’s your natural persona that rubs them up the wrong way, you might begin to doubt yourself.
Dr Vowell continues: ‘We easily fall into irrational patterns of thinking (cognitive distortions) that affect our perception of reality.
‘For example, catastrophising or jumping to conclusions could lead you to believe that a person doesn’t like you when there may be an alternative explanation for their behaviour, such as they were caught up in a meeting and couldn’t return your call rather than them ignoring you on purpose.’
She advises people worrying about whether they’re liked to take a step back and assess the facts objectively. Have they outright said they don’t like you, or are you projecting your fears onto their behaviours?
‘Acknowledge your feelings and allow them,’ advises Dr Vowell, adding that talking through any emotions brought up by this can help you process them.
Try to rationalise that even if this person genuinely doesn’t like you, it doesn’t reflect on who you are.
Dr Vowell continues: ‘It can be helpful to ask yourself whether it really matters if this person likes you or not – and remind yourself that not everyone will like you all the time.
‘Make it a focus to try to stay neutral and not retaliate. Can you make a conscious decision to free yourself from any need to be liked by this person?’
An old idiom – credited to everyone from Deepak Chopra to Mike Skinner – says ‘what people think about you is none of your business’. At the risk of sounding cheesy, this is the best approach to adopt.
Our actions are among the few things we can control in this life, so it’s an exercise in futility trying to pre-empt and change what other people think and feel. As long as you’re comfortable with who you are and the choices you make, other people’s responses are secondary.
That shouldn’t mean ignoring constructive criticism from those you trust – whether they enjoy your company or not. Instead, it’s about striking a balance between outward compassion and inward acceptance, knowing that you simply can’t please everyone.
‘I’d advise anyone who is dealing with someone not liking them to use this as an opportunity to take the pulse of their most important relationships,’ adds Dr Vowell.
‘Get in the habit of doing this regularly and try to make positive changes, or address issues before they damage the relationship.
‘It is also helpful to notice and appreciate positive relationships. Focusing on savouring positive emotions and relationships will help reduce stress and enhance wellbeing.’
Some people don’t float your boat, tickle your pickle, or toot your horn, and vice versa. Not every acquaintance needs to become a friend, and remembering this will see you living a much happier life.
Dr Vowell says: ‘Rise above the situation by mentally forgiving the person who no longer likes you.
‘If you can accept the situation and resist the temptation to try to change their opinion of you, you will be better able to move forward towards your goals, regardless of how many people like you or not.’
It looks like there’s no way back for Boris and Dominic’s friendship, which may be for the better given how toxic it became. Hopefully you use their story as a cautionary one to avoid similar acrimony and aggravation in your own life.
Heed their warning by doing the exact opposite of Johnson and Cummings, remaining composed if someone chooses to make you their enemy… and perhaps take a rain check on dodgy-sounding BYOB bashes bound to end in tears.
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