It’s office holiday party season, and everyone thinks I’m a Scrooge because I hate them. They are awkward and forced, and people act stupid whenever they’re offered free food and alcohol. Can I just not show up without it offending my boss or company?
Well, that just about sums up my feelings on the topic, so if you’re Scrooge, I’m the Grinch. I’ve got nothing against a good social party with friends, great music, food and fine spirits, but office parties are not social events. They are work events disguised as social gatherings, but fraught with all kinds of career-limiting land mines. Too many people think an open bar means, “Let’s see who can act like an idiot the quickest.” And have you seen how many shrimp some people pile up? People! Everyone (including the boss) is watching. That said, you can have fun and be professional, and if you really dread the event, show up with a smile, say “hi” and “thank you” to the boss, then duck out to hang out with your true friends.
Regarding your response about using caution when asking someone out at work, I agree that we can’t be jerks and make people feel uncomfortable, but as a never-married guy, I see no harm in asking an unmarried lady out to lunch, dinner, a movie, etc. However, if she declines, I see no need to apologize. I wouldn’t make her feel uncomfortable, or ask again, unless she sent signals that she had changed her mind, and it would then be best if she did the asking. Don’t you agree?
It sounds as if you’ve got the right sensitivities, but I would take the level of precaution up one more notch. Since you will continue seeing each other at work, a polite apology indicating that you hope that you didn’t make the other person feel uncomfortable, with a reassurance that you respect that they want to keep the relationship professional, will relieve awkwardness. And if you sense a change in interest, it wouldn’t just be best for her to do the asking, it would be required — perhaps put her interest in writing, maybe have it notarized, before even having coffee in the middle of the day in the company cafeteria.
Gregory Giangrande has over 25 years of experience as a chief human resources executive. E-mail your career questions to [email protected]. Follow Greg on Twitter: @greggiangrande. His Go to Greg podcast series is available on iTunes.
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