When you have a family, it’s often the case that time off work doesn’t leave much time for relaxation.
That’s why this man decided to keep his annual leave secret from his wife – a plan that backfired and has caused a rift in his relationship.
Posting to Reddit, the man explained he had been working overtime to accrue more holiday, and with a ‘major certificate test’ coming up, he took a week off work to prepare for the exam.
‘I didn’t tell my wife, because I knew she would start asking me to do other stuff, go places, etc.’ he said in the post.
‘Despite my intention for the time off being academically based, I do have kids and I know I cannot study for 12 hours a day, so I would break it up every few hours and do some stuff with them.’
According to the man, the first day of his hush-hush holiday was ‘fine’ because his wife was working and the kids were out of the house, meaning he was able to complete almost two weeks’ worth of revision in a single day.
By day two, however, he was unable to keep up the pretence of working from home.
The man said: ‘My wife starts doing the, “you cannot stop studying to play with your son?”, “he wants to go outside, can you take him?”
‘I told her: “This is why I didn’t mention having paid time off. Because from your perspective I am still working, yet you aren’t going to take it that way.”‘
His wife called him an a**hole for lying to her, to which he replied: ‘Maybe I am, but I know my wife. She gets on me to do extra stuff while i’m working from home, so if I’m not “working” but still studying I knew she would push it even more.’
He went on to say that even though his wife wanted him to pass his test, she has a tendency to ‘get in the way of’ his studying while in the house.
As a result he was frustrated and lied, but sought perspectives on whether he was in the wrong for doing so.
Redditors’ responses were mixed, with some arguing he should do more in the home and others saying his wife should expect less of him.
One said: ‘When you’re married and have children you always have to tell your partner as a courtesy when you take time off, especially a whole week. You’re married, you communicate.’
‘He’s a father. His child should be his priority,’ commented another. ‘Unless his wife is at stay-at-home mum, she does not magically have more time. The text indicates she works – so there are working parents but only one of them has time for the kids?’
A third added: ‘He finished most of his studying in a day, had the rest of the week off and still said no to spending time with his son on the second day. That’s screwed up. No way his wife would get away with that kind of behaviour.’
On the flip-side, one person said: ‘Your wife should be understanding of the fact that your certifications increase your marketability and salary so she should really want you to pass those!’
‘Unfortunately, you are in a no-win situation,’ said another. ‘Your wife wants you to pass the exam but then throws roadblocks in the way of your preparing for it.
‘I can completely understand why you didn’t tell her, and her reaction proves you were right.’
It’s a tough situation, but it’s possible the husband’s definition of ‘extra’ work around the house isn’t exactly accurate.
Research shows women take on 40% more unpaid labour in the home, from childcare to cleaning, alongside spending almost twice as much time on parenting than their male partners.
The work of women with full-time jobs is also seen as less of a priority, meaning their careers take a back seat to family matters far more often than with men.
It’s a tough issue, but one that’s likely made worse by dishonesty and resentment.
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