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Fame isn't all it's cracked up to be, as far as Lady Gaga is concerned.
The 34-year-old songstress recently appeared on CBS "Sunday Morning," where she discussed the pitfalls of the success she's found over the last few years, which have included a hit record in "Joanne" and the lauded film "A Star Is Born," both of which were accompanied by a laundry list of awards and nominations.
However, all of the attention that those successes brought Gaga also bore a weight of their own, as she recalled being unable to go to the grocery store or enjoy a meal out with her family without being bombarded by fans.
"I totally gave up on myself," she confessed. "I hated being famous. I hated being a star. I felt exhausted and used up."
Lady Gaga said she struggled with her mental health over the last few years, which included constant thoughts of suicide.
She also recalled looking at the piano she's owned for many, many years, and thinking, "You ruined my life. … You made me Lady Gaga. My biggest enemy is Lady Gaga."
Among the challenges she faced was piecing together "Joanne."
"I was writing about the trauma from my father's life that became my trauma in a lot of ways," said Gaga. "And I thought I could fix my dad."
She admitted, however, that she "could never fix that."
While the album found massive success, the woman behind it was struggling.
"It’s not always easy, if you have mental issues, to let other people see," the singer explained. "I used to self-harm. I used to say, ‘Look. I cut myself. See, I’m hurt,’ because I didn’t think anyone could see because, mental health, it’s invisible,” said the "Stupid Love" singer.
Additionally, Gaga said she felt that her career was "over."
"I didn't really understand why I should live other than to be there for my family," she explained. "That was an actual real thought and feeling: 'Why should I stick around?'"
Lady Gaga accepts the Best Collaboration award for ‘Rain on Me’ with Ariana Grande onstage during the 2020 MTV Video Music Awards, broadcast on Sunday, August 30th 2020.
(Kevin Winter/MTV VMAs 2020/Getty Images for MTV)
When asked whether she ever thought about suicide, Gaga's answer was plain: "Oh yeah. Every day."
In fact, the star said that "people watched" over her for "a couple years to make sure that [she] was safe."
In typical songwriter fashion, Gaga poured her trauma into her latest album, "Chromatica," which highlights her struggles in songs like "Rain On Me," "911" and "1000 Doves," she said.
"I swear on my future unborn children, I don’t know why, but I have to [keep making music]," said Gaga. "I have to do it. Singing, I have to. Turns out, even if I don’t wanna be alive, I still know how to write a song.”
She added: "It's that cheesy thing that you say, 'Oh, I'm glad I went through it because it made me stronger.' OK, I could have done without the last two-and-a-half years of my life. I could have done without that. But you know what? It happened."
If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
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