Sam’s Club seems like a pretty typical, All-American big box store. Sure, you can wind up making some pretty weird impulse purchases there — say, for example, a 30-pound bucket of mayonnaise or perhaps a $4,600+ vending machine that can stock 10 different types of Gatorade. But for the most part, a Sam’s Club membership means that you have a place to go and stock up on boring household staples, like frozen dinners, wine, and studded tires (in case your life should happen to resemble a mashup of Sex and the City and the Road Warrior).
Even Sam’s Club, though, must be feeling the strain of life in the early 2020s. Why else would the retailer have published a useful holiday hack on its Pinterest page, that lets you take one of its Member’s Mark pumpkin pies (assuming you’re not tired of the seasonal treat already, what with its early start this year), and basically turn it into a Thanksgiving-themed Swiss cheese?
Sam's Club suggests taking a cookie cutter to your pie
This Sam’s Club Pinterest hack involves taking a 2-inch, circle-shaped cookie cutter and cutting round pieces out of your pie, then plating them up as mini-pies with whipped cream. These are cute and delicious, but sadly lacking in side crust — plus, this tip turns a dessert that serves eight into one that serves maybe four. (Sam’s Club marketers, those jokers, suggests it feeds 32, but only if your guests hate pumpkin pie or you buy four pies.)
What’s more, the procedure leaves a moon-crater mess behind. So, why would you want to miniaturize your pie? If you want a less wasteful way to carve up Sam’s Club’s pumpkin pie, you might want to try square-cutting it like a Midwestern thin-crust pizza. You’ll still get odd-shaped corner pieces, but they’d at least be better than a pie full of holes. Or how about cutting your pie into triangles, like… pieces of pie? (Hey, geometry knows best, as wedges really are the only way to evenly divide a circle.)
So, why would Sam’s Club want to go and complicate things? Oh wait… it’s so sneaky, it’s actually genius! If you cut little circles out of your pie, no one can ask for leftovers! The hole-filled remainder isn’t fit for company, after all, meaning you’ll have no choice but to eat all the yummy leftovers yourself. Well played, Sam’s — that pie hack may be a game-changer this Thanksgiving, after all.
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