I don't think my upstairs neighbours should have sex in their flat

I don’t think my upstairs neighbours should have sex in their flat because it’s so loud – but people say I can’t expect them to stop and need to move

  • Woman took to British parenting forum Mumsnet to complain about noise issues
  • Said she has absolutely no privacy in townhouse conversion in the middle flat  
  • READ MORE:  My family forced us to change our plan for a child-free wedding

A woman has divided opinion after revealing she wants her upstairs neighbours to stop having loud sex. 

Taking to the British parenting forum Mumsnet, the single mother explained that she lives in the middle flat of a townhouse conversion and her upstairs neighbours, three men, don’t have carpets. 

She complained that she’s regularly woken up in the night by the sound of them having sex, and said: ‘The activities and lifestyle you want are not compatible with your flooring choice.’

However, commenters were divided over her post entitled, ‘Am I unreasonable to think sex shouldn’t be happening here?’, claiming that she can’t stop people having sex in their own home and should move out.  

A woman who wants her upstairs neighbours to stop having loud sex has divided opinion after taking to the British parenting forum Mumnset to complain she can’t sleep at night (stock image)

Explaining the situation, the mother wrote: ‘The people above me have either laminate or bare floorboards. I have so far put up with the stomping and hearing every drawer open and slam shut.’

She said that lately, her neighbours have been having a lot of loud sex.

‘To be fair there seems to be a tiny bit of effort to gradually tone down the vocals after I turned on telly really loud. But they just stop for half an hour and then think they’ll try again,’ she said.

‘It’s woken me up in the night. So I put headphones on with meditation music and the baby monitor sound. I can still hear the thumping and stamping through it.’ 

Taking to the British parenting forum Musmnet, a woman has complained that she has absolutely no privacy in her flat, and can’t sleep because of her neighbours having noisy sex 

The woman said she’s contacted the council who told her nothing can be done about ‘everyday noise’. 

‘But surely there’s a limit?’ she asked. ‘The walls shake, my doors rattle, the paint chips off my ceiling, I can’t sleep. 

‘They say I should talk to them myself but I refuse. They know they can be heard because they hear me. 

‘There are at least three men in that flat and I’m a single woman with a very young child. I don’t feel comfortable or that I should have to talk to these people directly.’

Some commenters claimed that the woman was being ridiculous and that people are entitled to have sex in their own homes

She added that she uses her sewing machine, but turns it off at 9pm so as not to disturb anyone, and added that previous mental health issues may make her more sensitive to noise.  

However, a lot of commenters felt that the only solution is for her to move out, and said that she can’t complain about people going about their daily lives. 

‘You can’t really expect them to tip toe around and not do ordinary things such as opening drawers,’ one said. ‘Mention the noisy sex if you like but they also still need to be able to conduct a sex life. Your downstairs neighbour likely has similar issues. Can you consider moving as doesn’t really seem like the ideal place for you?’

Others were less diplomatic with their advice, with one writing; ‘I’m sorry but if someone told me I couldn’t have sex in my own home because it was too loud to them, I’d tell them to shove off.’ 

Others were less blunt and suggested that the woman move somewhere more suited to her needs 

Another described her as a ‘wee bit unreasonable’ to suggest they shouldn’t have sex in their flat, while another said that if they had to listen to her sewing machine ‘clattering’, they too would have ‘noisy sex to get their own back’. 

And one even questioned her version of events, saying that most people ‘don’t  scream and shriek’ during sex outside of porn films. 

‘If it’s a squeaky bed noise maybe leave an oil can outside their door as a subtle hint,’ they joked. 

Others were less blunt with their advice, and said that her neighbours probably don’t realise that she can hear them, and advised her to speak to them. 

Others were more sympathetic and said that they too had experienced similar problems with noisy neighbours 

‘Unfortunately, you’ll hear them a lot more than they hear you. That’s because of the way sound travels. The cause of their sound (their body, their furniture etc) is attached to the floor,’ one said. 

‘The source of your noise is attached to your floor and not to your ceiling. They probably don’t realise how much sound is travelling down from them to you – just as you don’t realise how much your sound is travelling to your downstairs neighbours (and you don’t hear your downstairs neighbours). 

‘I think you’re probably a victim of confirmation bias with thinking they start up in response to your sewing. Regardless, you can’t expect them not to walk around or open drawers. 

‘You equally can’t demand carpets, I have asthma triggered by dust and I’d be really unwell if I lived with carpets. You also don’t know if they own or rent – they might not have a choice over the flooring.

However, others sympathised and said they’d experienced similar issues.  

‘I get it,’ one wrote. ‘The top floor flat above me has hard flooring and I hear everything too. My neighbour downstairs (ground floor) hears everything from the top floor but not me (carpeted) so it makes a huge difference. 

‘I hear you, I live with the same,’ one sympathised. ‘My new neighbours slam doors and drawers or whatever until up to 2 am. Its making me feel insane.

‘They dont “hear” you the same because they are not as sensitive to noise as you are. It’s tough.’ 

‘I totally get why you are annoyed, I would be too,’ a third said. ‘I think the only thing to do is contact council and get a copy of leasehold. Find out if they should have carpets, and if so ask council to enforce it. Keep a written trail of everything.’

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