Have you ever been waiting at a bar for someone who doesn’t show up? You’re sitting there, the bartender is looking at you expectantly to order, the minutes tick by, your phone doesn’t light up, and you realize: you’ve been stood up. It’s happened to me before, and while I know I might be exaggerating, in my head, I sometimes wonder if anything worse has ever happened to anyone (OK, yes, maybe a slight exaggeration). Getting stood up has made me feel horrible, and I know I’m not alone.
Of course, it’s not your fault that you got stood up, and it happens to many of us (perhaps only the best of us, if I do say so myself). It can be hard to realize it’s not about you, though, so it’s important to remind yourself. Sometimes, you need a little extra boost to remember that so many things are outside your control and have nothing to do with who you are as a person. For that reason, I made a list of nine mantras to recite if you do find yourself in the unpleasant situation of being stood up.
Read on to find nine affirmations that will help you get over being stood up.
1. It’s Not Your Fault
It’s never your fault if someone stands you up. They probably did it because they were afraid of your response if they told you they couldn’t make it, and that’s cowardly on their part. It’s definitely not about you — you didn’t do anything wrong to bring this upon yourself.
2. You Deserve Better
You deserve respect from anyone who’s agreed to go on a date with you (and everyone, to be honest). If someone stands you up, they’re not showing you respect, and you deserve better. In fact, you deserve someone who’s excited to be on a date with you, and trust me — that person is out there.
3. You Can Choose How To Feel About It
It’s up to you if you want to feel sad about being stood up. Your friends might instinctively try to comfort you when you tell them, but you can decide for yourself if it’s something you’re upset about. After all, it’s your life.
4. They Probably Feel Guilty
Maybe I’m giving people too much credit here, but I think if someone has plans with you and completely ignores them without even giving you a warning, they must know they’ve done something wrong. You don’t have to feel good about someone else feeling bad (even if they did just stand you up), but know that you’re not the only one struggling.
5. You Can Still Enjoy Your Night
Just because your date didn’t show up doesn’t mean your night has to suck. You’re all decked out, so paint the town (if you want). Text your friends (or maybe an old flame), and keep the evening going! Or introduce yourself to the people around you. That said, if you feel crappy and want to curl up at home with Halo Top and The Bold Type, don’t feel bad about doing that, either.
6. It’s OK To Be Upset
You don’t need to beat yourself up about being upset — no one likes being stood up. It’s completely normal to feel like sh*t, and if you want to spend the evening wallowing, don’t feel guilty for doing that.
7. The Date Probably Wouldn’t Have Been Fun Anyway
Even if your date had shown up, you don’t want to date the type of person who would stand someone up. In a way, you dodged a bullet because they showed you their true colors early, so you didn’t have to wait to find out who they really are.
8. There’s Someone Better Out There
Do I mean someone who actually shows up for dates? Yes. But also someone who just completely connects with you, so that if they are running late or something comes up, they’re not afraid to tell you. And they know you’ll understand, because you’re confident in the fact that they want to see you. Yes, it might seem hard to imagine that person when you’ve just been stood up, but trust me — they’re out there.
9. It’s Not Your Fault
I know I said this one before, but it’s really important, so I thought I’d repeat it: It’s not your fault.
Getting stood up feels horrible. You might be all dressed up and waiting at a bar you don’t even like. Maybe you’ve told everyone you have a date, and you know they’ll ask how it went. You don’t have to share any details you don’t want (and it’s OK to make something up, too, if you don’t want to admit you were stood up). Nothing can make getting stood up feel fun, but these mantras can make you feel better about it. Just remember — it’s not your fault. You’ll have many better dates to come!
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